Group 1: Angelo

Posted by on Jun 21, 2012 in Other Writings | 3 comments

run
so you run
As the sun cycles over icebergs
And mockingbirds go from sleep to mimicking the worlds breath
but after  while
you find
you are a vulture
Hungry for death
because runnin,is merely a substitute for quittin
and quitting is jjust as pointless as
telling a ball on a slope to stop
or telling a little kid to stop missing his dad
or ttelling that dad 
that missing his baby say dada
to be in a strip club was immoral
Or displays a lack in the capacity
To cope with one’s own putty
he was runnin
if we run we cant grow
so our souls pull us to the same spot
if we run we cant grow
so our minds tell us to go back
if we run we cant grow
so  our knees shake
As our weight becomes to much for them
if we run we cant grow
so we begin to get high
if we run we cant grow
so we begin to tell lies
if we run we cant grow
so we begin to lose sight
if we run we cant grow
so our souls begin to go blind
si corremos
perdemos quien fuimos
al empezar
we experiment things
to make our body experience things
cant grow in this world
so you put yourself in another
as simple as pufffin twice
instead of thinking twice
you see
if you wouldve thought
you woulda realized that
if you didnt run
you woulda been high of life
if you didnt run
youll be facing a permanent high
if you didnt run
theyll be no need to stain your soul with lies
if you didnt run
your mental capacity would be up in the skies
if you didnt run
maybe your soul would revive
si no hubieras corrido
no tubieras que haber mentido
why cant we be as the untouched muddy puddle
not perfect yet pure
and when a rock falls on us we return to normal
only slightly affected by the impact
never runnin just fighting through
but never losing ourselves in the process
and the ripples that came from the contact
should only make us more powerful
and as it rains
and it rains
the water drops of wisdom will only make us stronger
and the rain drops will fit into our custom frame
not create their own
la lluvia solamente  trae mas
with tenacious pure passion we can grow
with coward steps we cant
so fight
go.

3 Comments

  1. I think that the images you use-like the mud puddle, the rain drops, the mockingbird- are very effective and nice. I really like the theme of this piece and it flows together smoothly. To improve it, I think if you bring back the aspect of running (to the revised ending) it would help tie it together more. :)

  2. I love the absolute thickness of this piece, that is, the heaviness. It sits in your heart and weighs it down until the last line or so, which is really in effect a call to arms. I think the repetition of the “run” sentences is delicious, and it might tie the latter end of the poem together a little tighter, because at the moment it seems a little disjointed. I love the use of Spanish in your poetry, but make sure where you use it is important/makes sense/packs a wallop, because you don’t want it to become gimmicky. Also, read over your rhyme scheme a little and make sure everything fits like you want it to fit (…capacity would be up in the skies) and that you’re not sacrificing poetic potential and message for rhyme. Anyway, I definitely like this poem.

  3. I like how you mention icebergs and then vultures which brings an image of the desert, it makes it seem like the message encompasses everyone in all parts of the world, also though the Spanish loses its surprise after a while it adds to the global theme.

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